something disturbed the groove. again.
The most amazing thing kinda happened.
I’ve been struggling with the idea of purpose. Stuck between what once was and what should be. Still a little off balance since the death of McQ. Way too in touch with my emotions. Kinda spinning.
I’ve noticed that these bits and pieces have been falling into place. When Esthero wrote about the Martha Graham quote below, it was a bit overwhelming. I knew I needed it, but was afraid it was the final call to action for a life to be lived. To let go of all the excuses. So, I stayed away from it for weeks. Until tonight, as I share it with you.
“There is a vitality, a life force, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and there is only one of you in all time, this expression is unique, and if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium; and be lost.
The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is, not how it compares with other expression.
It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open.
You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work.
You have to keep open and aware directly to urges that motivate you. Keep the channel open.
No artist is pleased. There is no satisfaction whatever at any time. There is only a queer, divine dissatisfaction, a blessed unrest that keeps us marching and makes us more alive than the others.”
– from Martha: The Life and Work of Martha Graham
(via esthero in progress)
So, what does it answer for me? How does it kinda change everything? A guy called me vague and evasive, once. Yeah, ummm, not ready to talk about it yet.
Nikki♥
{Even as I wrote this post a couple of weeks ago, I was still afraid of what it meant. What it all means and how to move forward. I was so hesitant that I couldn’t even hit publish. Hesitant to embrace what I knew, but couldn’t quite believe.
In some ways it feels like permission, you know. Permission to really be who I’ve always been, yet afraid to allow others to see. Who I’ve talked myself out of being by drowning out my own voice with everyone else’s thoughts.
So, what’s next? Umm, if I do it right, you won’t really know. ♥}