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Oh, Just Go | Looking Back To Move Forward

something has kept me la-stuck and states-stuck… i’m trying to get all un-

waiting for the train back to paris
i so don't care that it's out of focus... i love them

Counting the days until I’m off.  The new passport is here.  The old one came back, too.  I’ve already started changing my seat on the flights.  Thinking about outfits and images.  Can you tell I’ve finally gotten excited?

This will be the first trip with the dslr.  I’m nervous.  I want to take in so much.  I was so timid and tentative when I was in France.  It was the first time shooting dig, I hadn’t read the manual and I didn’t want to look like a tourist.  Yeah, whatever.  It shows.  Over it.  Kinda.

I’m so glad to be able to have the immediacy of the dig.  Glad that I can work on getting better and learn more in the moment.  I doubt that I would have seen the growth from what I shot in Paris to what I’ve got from Montagnac if I hadn’t seen what was captured right away.  I’ve still got undeveloped rolls and disposable cameras with long gone photographs taken all over Europe.

I’m in prep mode now.  Feeding my shooter’s brain with images that captivate me and studying more about how to read and manipulate light.  I want to knowingly craft more photographs than have happy accidents.

I hadn’t looked at the stuff from France in a while.  I lost a lot in the Great Hard Drive Crash of ’06.  But, I notice so much from just these few old pictures.  So much of who I was and how I approached seeing and being seen.  I can’t wait to discover how much has changed and find out what’s left to conquer.

Nikki♥

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Oh, Just Go | A Renewal

something has kept me la-stuck and states-stuck… i’m trying to get all un-


I carried around the pictures for my new passport for two weeks.  They sat at the bottom of my purse.  The drugstore cardstock packaging taking the weight of the day’s junk that traveled to and from work.  Occasionally, I’d sneak a peek at the woman who would look back at me for the next 10 years.  It’s like I needed to get used to seeing the Me that other people see, hoping that she really was as happy as she seemed.  I was in the post office putting the packet of info, expired passport, money and photos together when I couldn’t help but place the new pictures next to the old one sealed into the book of state-sanctioned memories.  I was a little surprised that I didn’t look that much different or older.

Here’s the thing: I’m a little embarrassed that my passport expired almost two years ago.  Yes, embarrassed.  It’s like one of my big “You Are So Stuck” signposts.  I guess maybe because the reasons I put it off are manufactured by fear, fear of things lost and being afraid of just letting go.  I’ve been fretting about the how much it cost and really didn’t want to turn in the old book to get the new.  You know, flipping through it reminded me that I’d been places.  Well, I forgot to copy the pages with those beloved “You Were In My Country” stamps and waiting made it cost more, duh.  Expedite, pls.

So, now, I’m counting the days.  Not ‘til I fly, fly, fly, but until I can follow the renewal process.  We’re leaving in a month and I’m a dork with a tracking number.

Nikki♥